


Dusk (a twilight revamp)

by J_L_Hynde



Category: Twilight (Movies), Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Deaths, Charlie is awesome, Child Abuse, Custody Battle, F/M, Graphic Violence, Major Character Injury, Minor Character Death, Murder Mystery, Parental Abuse, Spitefic, Twilight Spitefic, Urban Legends, Vampire folklore, bad homelife, bella gets kicked out, good guy cullens, native american folklore, real love story, real skinwalkers, relatable Bella, renee is a terrible mom, scary vampires, spitefic that takes itself semi-seriously, twilight revamp, vampire government, werewolf folklore
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-29
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2019-07-04 01:51:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15831318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/J_L_Hynde/pseuds/J_L_Hynde
Summary: There were three things that I became horribly aware of in that moment. First, the Cullens weren't human. Second, they were likely responsible for the string of disappearances and animal attacks that had plagued Forks for the past six months. And third, I was—most likely—currently dating an inhuman monster who was planning to add me to the victims' list....Clearly, this was gonna end well.





	1. Unhappy Families

**Author's Note:**

> I had this idea to write a revamp of twilight. I personally have many, many problems with that book and the series in general. But I still think that twilight, despite all its flaws had some pretty good ideas. So this is my attempt at writing the story of a vampire/human romance in the way that Stephanie Meyer intended it (with it actually being romantic) but failed to properly portray as anything less than abusive.
> 
> This is an AU. So the characters will be a tad OOC and the plot won't exactly be the same as in the first book. However, I'll try to stick to the major events of the first book, whilst adding some of my own personal flare. (Note: I don't usually write in the first person, so this is a new muscle for me.) Constructive criticism is highly appreciated, so feel free to leave any suggestions/ thoughts in the reviews!

 

 

> _"Happy families are all alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."_
> 
> _—Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina._

_Five. Ten. Fifteen. Twenty…_

 

The crisp bills fell flat against the table. Each one landing in a semi-crooked heap.

 

_Forty-five. Fifty-five. Sixty-Five…_

 

It wasn’t gonna be enough. Even though, there was still a considerable wad of ones and loose change that had yet to be counted.

 

_Eighty-eight. Eighty-nine…_

 

Lilly sat across from me, her slim fingers tapping on the table. She was too young to be worrying about money. She was only eleven; but hunched over like she was, with her chin in her palm and her thin brows scrunched together, made her look more like a grad student worrying over student loan debt. She brushed a stubborn strand of frizzy hair behind her ear and sighed.

 

She knew it too. As I was counting all the money, she was mouthing the numbers going through my head. “How much are we short?” She asked.

 

“About fifteen-hundred and some change.”

 

She hissed,“Shit!”

 

I frowned. She shouldn’t be swearing. But given the circumstances, I couldn’t find the heart to scold her. “Even with the money from Charlie...” I trailed off, fingering the stack of folded papers by my elbow. The words “Eviction Notice” was printed across the top.  

 

“What are we gonna do? Do you think Larry could...?”

 

“No,” I said shooting that idea down before it could even start, “We barely have enough to cover this month’s rent. Let alone the past two.” Larry, our landlord, had gotten tired of our excuses. And, I didn’t see him working with us any further than he already had.

 

_What a shitstorm,_ I sighed and buried my face in my palms, rubbing at the bags under my eyes. The fluorescent light overhead was starting to give me a headache. I felt so tired—I’m sure I looked it too with my unwashed hair pulled up into a tangled bun at the base of my neck and my eyes feeling as sore as they were bloodshot from staying up two nights in a row to finish an essay for school. “I guess I could borrow some money.”

 

Lilly had stopped tapping on the table and instead began to chew idly at her thumb nail as she watched me. “From who?” She asked.

 

That was a good question. The number of people who’d be willing to lend money, let alone lend money when there was zero chance of getting it back, was pretty much non existent. “I don’t know...Mandy, maybe?” Mandy was someone I worked with at a little coffee shop in downtown Phoenix. She was probably my closest friend, although we didn’t really see each other outside of work. Surely, she wouldn’t mind lending me a hundred bucks or so.

 

Lilly looked surprised. “Would she lend us that much?”

 

We both knew that Mandy wasn’t much better off than we were. She was a nursing student living with a roommate and her roommate’s boyfriend in a 1400 square-foot apartment on North 99th Avenue, and yet compared to us living on West Van Buren Street in a run-down-roach-infested apartment she might as well have been a millionaire. “I doubt it. But it’s better than nothing.”

 

Suddenly, there was a thud at the front door. Both our heads snapped up and Lilly leaned back in her chair, twisting to look behind her. Then there was a woman’s laugh followed by another thud on the door and deeper man’s voice too low to understand. “Shit—Grab the money,” I said already reaching for the bills and shoving them into a ziplock bag. Lilly was quick to follow, dumping all the coins in before I sealed it and wrapped it in a plastic grocery bag.

 

“It’s only midnight. What is she doing home so early?” Lilly hissed.

 

I didn’t answer, instead I threw the money across the table. “Hide this.” She didn’t need to be told twice, already taking off down the hallway to our room. I sat down and picked up the eviction notice, pretending to read it, as the door busted open and in tumbled Renee.

 

Renee was our mother. Not that she did anything to earn that title. She was frankly, terrible. Honestly, I would say there wasn’t any good qualities; but that wouldn’t be true. Renee was beautiful—or she used to be. Before the drinking started and the weed and the prescription drugs. Back when she used to be my mother, she was beautiful with her long blonde hair, bright blue eyes, and a button nose that Lilly and I both inherited.

 

Lilly took after her a lot in her face and her coloring. She had the same blue eyes, blonde hair —curly instead straight— and sun kissed skin with a dozen freckles across the bridge of her nose. Contrariwise, I looked too much like my dad to be considered beautiful. Dark hair, small dark eyes, fair skin that was easily sunburnt and a figure with no speakable curves or muscle.

 

I wasn’t surprised to see her wasted as she stumbled through the front door in ridiculously tall platform heels. She was wearing a purple sequined cocktail dress that clung to her like a second skin and her hair, normally pin-straight and soft, was teased into a high poof on top of her head. She tripped and almost fell flat on her face had Lip not reached out and grabbed her.

 

“E-e-easybaby...” He slurred his words suggesting that he was just as dunk if not dunker than Renee. Philip, or Lip as he preferred to be called, was Renee’s boyfriend; although, I only ever called him a sucker.

 

Renee would get them from time to time; some poor easily-manipulated boytoy with little experience in the dating department and a lot of cash. If the guy was smart, the relationship would last a week or two; however, Lip had been dating Renee for about three months. And, in that time he paid for everything from manicures to hair appointments, to booze, weed and clothes or any other odds and ends that she managed to wrangle out of him.

 

I wasn’t sure exactly what he did to make all this money. Looking at him, you wouldn’t think he was loaded. He was barely in his mid-twenties with cropped brown hair and tattoos running up his left arm. If I had to guess, he looked more like wanna-be thug than let’s say an accountant.

 

And clearly, he wasn’t an accountant or he would’ve wised up to my mother’s tricks by now.

 

Renee smiled up at him, swaying on her feet. Then she laughed again throwing her arms over Lip’s shoulders and pulling him down for a sloppy kiss.

 

_Gross,_ I coughed.

 

“Oh, Bella!” Renee jumped falling against Lip’s chest as she smiled at me. Her lipstick was smudged and her eyes were clouded, pupils the size of dimes. She was high again... _of course, she was._

 

I didn’t say anything as they closed the front door and walked, or more stumbled, into the tiny kitchen. Lip went over to the sink, retrieving a cigarette from the opened pack Renee had left out and leaned against the fridge and Renee noisily fell into the chair that Lilly had been occupying. “I didn’t know ya’d be home,” she said.

 

“Where else would I be?” I asked. “ _It not like it’s a school night or anything…”_

 

She snorted examining her hands. “Ooo-kay, Miss Sarcasm. It’s noddat late I’ll have ya know when I were yours age I’d stayed out much-much later.”

 

I put down the paper and looked at her. “Well, I’m not you,” I said; then when she gave me a look I added “Where did you guys go?”

 

“Dalsa sancing!” She threw her hair over her shoulder and shimmed her shoulders in kinda weird dance. “You woulda loved it. The music...and the food— best fajitas eva!”

 

“I don’t like Mexican food,” I frowned.

 

“Whaat? Everyone likes Mexican.”

 

Lip exhaled a thick cloud of smoke in our direction and I fought the urge to crinkle my nose. Couldn’t he do that outside? Now I’m gonna have to air the place out again. “And how much did you drink?”

 

“Notthatmuch,” she slurred sounding offended. “What’s your deal you’re not my mom.”

 

I didn’t respond to that. I couldn’t. If I did, there was no telling what would come out of my mouth.

 

“Hey, babe. Isder iny beer inda fridge?” Lip asked Renee.

 

_Like he needs any more alcohol?_

 

She jumped up, “No, no bear! We can’t have bear. We need champagne!” Moving too quickly for her feet to catch up, she tettered over to Lip and pushed him aside to rifle around in the fridge. “Where ‘s it? Bella?”

 

“We don’t have any,” I said. In fact, we’ve never had any champagne. But she either didn’t hear me or just ignored me as she kept right on doing what she was doing. “Why do you need champagne?”

 

“‘Cause we’re celebratin’!”

 

Lilly had chosen this moment to come out of our bedroom. She took one glance at Lip and Renee then gave me a nod. “What are we celebrating?” She wondered taking a seat beside me.

 

Renee stopped and beamed up at Lip. For a moment, she almost seemed to be glowing; but that was probably just the drugs. “Do you wanna tell ‘em?”

 

“Tell us what?” I shifted in my chair turning so my body was more facing her. Beside me, Lilly tensed her hand coming up almost instinctively to bite at her nails.

 

Renee pulled two beers from the door before she let it swing closed. And handed one to Lip, she turned to us and said, “We’re engaged!”

 

“W-what?” Lilly asked as if she didn’t understand what Renee had just said.

 

“Lip and I are gettin’ married!” She repeated.

 

“Why?” I could hear the disbelief in her tone. Renee could too and she frowned.

 

“What ‘s wrong?”

 

_What’s wrong? Is she serious?_ I couldn’t believe it. The lack of situational awareness was astounding. Renee had never been that self-aware, but I never thought that she was _this-this-this_ level of absurd.

 

Lilly was at a loss for words—I was at a loss for words. None of this was making any sense.

 

“This ‘s a good thing,” she said. “Lip’s gonna move us downta Jacksonville. You girls can finally have a father and we can be a family.”

 

What is this feeling? I felt hot and cold at the same time like when you have a fever and get the chills. It was like I was hearing the words she was saying, but I just couldn’t comprehend them— _Jacksonville. A family._ When have we ever been a family?

 

My hands were clenched so tight that my knuckles were turning white. I wasn’t seeing, or more I didn’t notice, Renee thrust her hand out and show us the platinum engagement ring on her finger. There was a sound in my ears like ocean waves crashing over me, hard and heavy, and pulling me down, _down,_ _down—_ I was drowning. I couldn’t breathe—couldn’t think.

 

_“No!”_ I stood up suddenly knocking my chair back. “This isn’t happening!”

 

Renee’s eyes widened. “Bell—”

 

“No,” I quickly cut her off, “you don’t get to do this. Don’t get to come here and drop a bomb on us like this!”

 

“—I know you’re surprised—”

 

“Surprised? _Surprised?_ ” I yelled, “No, I’m not surprised, Mom! I’m pissed. Did you even think for one second how this would affect us?”

 

“Of course I did!” She snapped her face flushing red.  

 

“No, you didn’t! You never do. If you had you would’ve realized that moving us in the middle of a school year was a bad idea—”

 

“Izzy, stop,” Lilly warned tugging at my arm. A part of me realized that she was trying to diffuse the situation. She saw better than I how Renee’s hand clenched around the bottle in her hand, how her eyes narrowed into slits and her stained lips pulled back over her teeth. It screamed danger. But I didn’t see it or more I just didn’t care. I was done. Done with this—with her.

 

“—Did you even think about that? NO. You didn’t because you don’t think about anyone, but yourself!”

 

“I-I will not be spoken to like that in my house!”

 

“ _Your house?”_ I laughed grabbing the eviction papers from the table. “Do you see this? This is our eviction notice, _Mother_ . An eviction notice we got because _YOU_ took our rent money last month to buy your fucking drugs! It’s not your house! You don’t pay any bills— I do! I do all the work and you just sit on your ass—”

 

“Get out,” she said, her voice slicing through the air like a serrated steel. I didn’t moved; my feet seemed to cement themselves to the floor. Renee flushed face contorted with rage and she took a step towards me.

 

Lip put his hand on her shoulder, “Babe calm down Let’s—err— sit down and talk ‘bout dis...”

 

She shrugged him off. “Get the fuck out of my house—NOW!”

 

I almost didn’t see it in time. Crouching down just as Renee threw her bottle of beer at my head. The glass shattered against the wall and Lilly screamed. “Izzy!” Then I felt long nails claw at my scalp and a harsh tug on the roots of my hair causing me to cry out. Renee yanked me forward and slapped me...

 

“HOW DARE YOU!”

 

...again…

 

“YOU UNGRATEFUL BIT—”

 

...and again…

 

“THIS IS HOW YOU TALK TO ME—”

 

...and again…

 

“MOM, MOM STOP—”

 

I felt Lilly try to pry Renee’s hands off me. But she was just a kid. She couldn’t take on our mother. Hell—I couldn’t take on our mother. My ears were ringing. Everything felt like I was watching it out of a fishbowl catching glimpses of distorted images of Lilly’s fearful tear-stained face, so close yet so far. Renee had shoved her off, pushing her roughly into the kitchen table.

 

My voice died in my throat when I saw her stumble back and fall to the floor; glass scattered around her like confetti. My fingers clenched around Renee’s wrist and I tried to get her to let go. But her eagle talons were embedded into my skull. I screamed.

 

_“LETGO!”_

 

Lilly was crying again, echoing my pleas. She was hitting something—someone—Lip. Lip hadn’t stood idly by. When Renee had pushed Lilly into the table, he had gotten down and grabbed Lilly before she could jump back into the fight. She was slapping his large forearms as she kicked her feet off the ground.

 

“STOP. STOP—YOU’RE HURTING HER!” Lilly screeched at Renee. But Renee didn’t listen. If anything her grip on me tightened and she began to drag me towards the door. I kicked out my feet trying to find something to grab onto. But there was nothing—nothing but shards of broken glass that cut into my bare feet like razor blades.

 

“IF YOU DON’T WANT TO BE A PART OF THIS FAMILY, THEN YOU CAN GET THE FUCK OUT!”

 

Renee jerked me up and the front door slammed open before I was shoved, thrown out into outside corridor like a piece of garbage. I fell hard, barely having the presence of mind to stop my head from smacking against the icy cold concrete, my hand bracing against the ground as a jolt of pain reverberated up my wrist. My mouth was bleeding; I could taste the coppery taste the iron on my tongue, a couple drops dripping off my chin and smearing against the pale white skin of my hands. I raised my head just in time to catch the look of pure hatred in Renee’s eyes as the door slammed shut, sending a shudder up my spine as Lilly’s voice, still yelling, was muffled inside the apartment.

 

I stood up on shaky legs, wincing at the sharp pain in my feet, and staggered forward. “Mom, mom. L-let me in!” My fists pounded against the door, leaving splotches of blood on the white paint. She couldn’t kick me out like this. She couldn’t. She wouldn’t. “MOM!”

 

“SHUT UP!” Renee yelled through the door. “I don’t want you in my house. You wanted to leave, Bella, so leave.”

 

“You can’t just throw me out like this,” my voice cracked, sounding pitiful to my own ears. “MOM!” But there was no answer. I heard her shift away from the door and yell at Lilly to go to her room.

 

I stood there dumbly, not able to process what just happened. I was kicked out. She actually kicked me out? Me? I had no money, no phone, hell not even a pair of shoes and she threw me out just like that? I wrapped my arms tightly around myself as the cool breeze wafted through the corridor. I wasn’t even wearing proper clothes. My thin t-shirt and worn out jeans were hardly warm enough to be outside in January; even in Phoenix, where the lowest the weather ever dropped was to the mid-sixties, I still needed a jacket. My jaw clenched and tightened my hold on my arms. Fine if that’s how she was going to be, then fuck her. I didn’t need her.

 

_The bitch can go to hell._

* * *

 


	2. Impossible Decisions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bella has to make a hard choice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's chapter 2. I found some time and was able to sit down and write it. Thanks to all of those who have commented, bookmarked and subscribed this fic. You guys rock!
> 
> As always constructive criticism is encouraged. Leave a comment and tell me what you think. Or you can just send me smiley faces. ;)

 

> " _The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving."_
> 
> —Elizabeth Gilbert,  _Eat, Pray, Love_.

My feet burned. No, they weren't just burning. They throbbed —the pain pulsating— beating like a human heart. I gritted my teeth together against the onslaught of liquid fire that was being poured into my cuts.

_Goddammit, that hurts!_

"Hold still," Matt urged me, his grip tightening ever so slightly around my ankle as my foot twitches away from the alcohol-soaked cotton ball in his hands. Beside me, Mandy placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, massaging it gently. I appreciated the gesture immensely, it gave me something else to focus on.

When I had shown up at Mandy's apartment, knocking on the door at 2 am, Matt had been the one to greet me. Being an EMT, he took one look at the state I was in: my lack of a jacket, split lip, bruised swelling cheek and bloodied bare feet that were covered with dirt and grim from having walked through god-knows-what, then hurriedly ushered me inside. Mandy and Matt's girlfriend, Holly, were woken up in the commotion. They were groggy and surprised, but once they caught sight of me that surprised to turned into alarm as they rushed to grab the first aid kit and a frozen bag of peas. I was currently holding said bag of peas to my cheek while Matt set about cleaning and wrapping the cuts on my feet.

They hadn't asked me any questions yet, for which I was grateful. But I knew that they knew, or at least suspected, that my condition had something to do with Renee. Then again it didn't take Sherlock's brilliant deduction skills to figure that out. It was no secret that Renee and I didn't get along. We fought often. And, this wasn't the first time I had fled to Mandy's in search of a safe haven until things cooled down between us. One time Lilly and I had hid out here for a whole week while Renee was on one of her drunken benders. It had been so peaceful and quiet and when we went back, she hadn't even noticed we had left. This time wasn't like all the other times, though. This was different. There was a finality about it. If I went crawling back to the apartment a few days later, I don't think Renee would let me in.

That should've frightened me or made me sad, but it didn't. I felt surprisingly numb. All of this—everything that happened—it was just...bullshit. All of it is bullshit. And I am so sick of bullshit. Renee's and everyone else's. Even if Renee did let me back in, I wouldn't want to go back and I wouldn't try to go back either except... _What about Lilly?_  What would happen to her, if I didn't go back?

Renee can't take of her. She can barely take of herself. Since the day Renee brought Lilly home from the hospital, I had been the one changing her diapers and giving her bottles and using food stamps to buy baby food. From the age of six, it had fallen on me to take care of her, to raise her, and teach her some kind of moral code no matter how skewed my own was. She was more my kid than she was Renee's. Mine. I put in the work. I put in the time and the effort. I sacrificed the way that a mother is supposed to do, stretched myself thin working to keep food on the table and a roof over our heads, and kept us both out of freaking foster homes—

Like hell, if I was gonna leave her there! But what could I do? What could I possibly do? I was still a minor and Renee was Lilly's biological mother. There was no way that the courts would grant me custody of my little sister. Not without a home and a stable income—I know because I looked into it before when I was considering getting emancipated. But I had decided against it when I learned that under no uncertain terms would I have been able to take Lilly with me.

My stress levels started to rise as I churned these thoughts over in my head. I clenched my jaw again, this time not from the pain, but from the torrent of emotions welling up inside me. I am so fucking useless. I can't do anything. Why couldn't I have just kept my damn mouth shut? Why did I have to push this? Now, Lilly is going to have to suffer alone with those two.

"Bella…" Mandy's worried face obstructed my vision, her soft green eyes looking almost misty. Was she crying? Or was I crying? It felt like it was me. Oh god, it was me wasn't it? My lower lip quivered and I bit down on it hard, not caring that it caused blood to spring up in my mouth anew, and fought to keep any sobs from escaping my throat. I cannot cry. Not here. Not now. Not ever.

I hated crying in front of other people. It was humiliating. I was such an ugly crier. And crying over Renee— _Ugh._ Please, never in a million years would I ever entertain the possibility.

"Hey, don't do that," Holly scolded me from the leather lounge chair next to the couch. She was wearing an oversized grey t-shirt a pair of black leggings with her raven hair tied up in a messy bun atop her head. "You'll make yourself bleed again."

That's a small price to pay for my dignity, no matter how little I had left at this point. Exhaling deeply out my nose, I force those emotions back down and blinked causing a few stray tears to trail down my face. Mandy frowned at me and turned away to pluck a Kleenex off the coffee table, gently holding it to my lower lip, she sighed, "It's too late for that, Holly. Here, keep pressure on it." I did what she said, averting my eyes to look down at Matt's shaved buzzcut where he was bent over my foot.

"I'm almost done. Just need to wrap it," he told me. "Mandy hand me those bandages." Plastic crinkled as he ripped the package open and removed the roll of gauze, gingerly and securely wrapping it around my foot. It took two rolls of gauze for him to wrap both my feet and then a pair of soft, fuzzy blue socks were rolled onto each foot for even more protection. He looked up at me when he had finished, slowly examining my face. "How's the cheek?" He asked.

"It's better," I mumbled and pulled away the bag of peas so he could see how much the swelling had gone down.

He turned my face to the side, his mouth pulling into a grim frown. "Man, she really socked you, didn't she?" I only shrugged. "How are you feeling otherwise? Are you thirsty? Would you like some water?"

I nodded. My throat was parched, drier than the Sahara desert, after my screaming match and bout of crying. Holly got up from the lounge chair and padded over to the kitchen to retrieve me a glass, filling it up from the Brita filter by the sink, and handing it to me. I thanked her and took a long draw, the cool liquid was like a balm to my throat. That was much better.

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" Mandy asked.

Not really. But I knew that I need to. They all deserved some kind of explanation for why I had woken them up in the middle of the night. I sighed and dropped my head. It was easier to talk if I didn't have to see them. "Renee and I, we...got into it tonight. Umm, she told us she and Phil had gotten engaged and that we were gonna move to Florida and we got into this huge fight. She threw me out of the apartment," I said.

Mandy pressed her lips together as her eyes flashed with anger. "She kicked you out?"

"Yeah…"

"Permanently?" Holly wondered.

"Maybe, I don't know...She wasn't too keen on me staying there tonight at least."

"Well, you can stay here tonight, if you need it. The couch is always free," Matt offered.

"T-thanks Matt..."

"Don't worry about it, kiddo," he said moving to return the medical supplies back into the first aid kit. " _Mi casa es su casa._  Get some rest. You remember where the blankets are right?"

"I'll get 'em for her," Mandy said.

He hefted the kit up under his arm and turned to back to look at me. The expression on his face was entirely too sympathetic, boarding on pity. "I gotta hit the hay, got work in a couple hours. But we can figure things out in the morning, Bella."

"Okay," I nodded. "Goodnight Matt, uh, Holly."

"Night, Bella," Holly smiled at me, before sleepily yawned and following Matt down the hallway towards their room.

Mandy stayed seated next to me on the couch a look of thoughtful deliberation on her face. Her dyed purple hair fell in messy waves around her face and she brushed a strand behind her ear before she turned to me. "So you want to give me the full story now that we're alone?"

"That is the full story," I said. "Well, mostly. Renee kicked me out. End of story."

"But why? What did you fight about? It wasn't just about the engagement was it?"

"No. That was only part of it." She waited for me to continue and when I didn't, she raised a dark brow at me as if to say 'Well, go on'. But I really didn't want to talk about it. Not tonight. It was still too fresh in my mind. Too raw. I need some time to process everything.

Mandy sighed. "You know, you don't have to carry everything by yourself. I can help you if you just tell me." She looked at me disapprovingly, almost pouting. I knew she was merely worried, that she wasn't angry with me per say, frustrated, yes, but angry, no. If anything she was probably angry at Renee.

"You wouldn't be able to help this," I said.

"I'll be the judge of that."

"We were fighting about the eviction notice," I told her.

Her eyes widened. "You're getting evicted?"

I nodded. "We're three months behind on rent. Renee had found all the rent money I had saved up and blew it all on Vicodin and tequila. The past two months, I was busting my ass to make it back, but we were still at least fifteen-hundred short and then the news of the engagement, I just...lost it. I was yelling and she was yelling, and then next thing I knew she was hitting me and dragging me out by my hair. Then she threw me out and told me not to come back."

"Oh, Bella, I'm so sorry."

She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around me in a loose, but comforting, hug. I leaned into her, resting my head against her shoulder, and let myself bask in the touch of another human being. Comforting touches was something that was so rare in my life. Renee wasn't exactly the hugging type and when I hugged Lilly, it was usually more me comforting her than the other way around. "It is what it is," I mumbled and pulled back with a loud sniffle, rubbing at my eyes.

"Perhaps this is a good thing."

"How?" I looked at her incredulously. I really couldn't see how any of this could be seen in the positive light. Not all storm clouds have silver linings. Sometimes things are just shit.

"Well, you never did like living with Renee and now you won't have to," she said.

"That's true," I agreed grudgingly, "But where do I go now? I'm still a minor, Mandy, I can't just—"

"What about that Charlie-guy?"

"You mean my dad?"

"Yeah, you said he lives in Washington, right? Why can't you go there?"

"That's hundreds of miles away," I argued. "I couldn't move that far and leave Lilly here."

"Well, technically Lilly wouldn't be here. She'd be in Florida."

"That's even worse!" The very thought of leaving Lilly...I balked. No, that was not an option. I couldn't do it. I wouldn't. Everyone else in her life had left her: her nameless father, Renee—I couldn't be someone to join their ranks. And thinking of Lilly being across the country, over three-thousand miles away, it made my heart physically ache just thinking about it.

"Then what's the alternative, Bella? Think about it. What are you gonna do: get emancipated, drop-out of high school, and work as a full-time barista? Is that your plan?"

I shook my head. "No, baristas don't make that much," I said. I wouldn't be able to afford jack-shit on that kind of salary.

"Well, what kind of job would you be able to get without a high school diploma? It certainly won't be anything that allows you to live by yourself."

"I'd get my G.E.D."

"And then what?" Mandy asked. "It'd be months before you'd be able to find a better job, even longer for you to get emancipated through the courts and save up enough money to get your own place, and by that time your sister would be in Florida. Inter-state custody battles are a bitch, once your mom takes her out of state it's going to be infinitely harder to get her back."

"I know! You don't think I don't know all this? I know, Mandy..." Tears began to well up in my eyes again and I stubbornly wiped them away. This situation was helpless, I knew that. Everything that Mandy was saying was true. Everything and, oh, how I hated her for it. I couldn't do anything by myself. It was apparent that I needed help, but Washington…

"I-I can't leave Lilly," I said again, my voice breaking.

Mandy placed a comforting hand on my shoulder again. "I'm afraid you don't have any other options," she said.

And she was right. All the fight leached out of me and I curled in on myself, flopping against the back of the couch, exhausted. All these responsibilities crashed down on me all at once, and for a moment, all I could do was sit there silently under their oppressive weight. I was only seventeen years old. I shouldn't have had to worry about any of this stuff. I should've been worrying about whether such-and-such-boy liked me or how to get in with the popular kids or which colleges I planned to apply to come senior year—not like I'd ever be able to go, even if I did get in I could never afford it— or something else frivolously inane and overly important to a high schooler. Sometimes I just wished that I could be like everyone else.

Life really was a lottery: you're born with a certain set of advantages and disadvantages, and somehow, someway, you have to make it work. I don't know how I'm going to manage it, but hell, if I'm not determined to at least try. As much as it pained me to say it, Washington was my best bet. I'd have to enlist the help of my dad and leave Lilly with Renee. Charlie would be able to help me, I think, I hope. I know that he would jump at the chance as soon as I made the call. He was a good Dad, a responsible parent, so much unlike Renee. And Charlie was a cop, the Chief of Police, surely he would know some good lawyers…

I checked the clock on the wall, the hour was nearing five. Washington was an hour behind and my dad wouldn't be waking up for another hour still. I couldn't call him now. No, I'd have to wait. The only calls that wake you up in the middle of the night are always bad news. Not that this wasn't bad news. But I didn't want to possibly give him a heart attack from waking him up at four in the morning. I looked back at Mandy and sighed.

"You're right," I said. "I'll call my dad."

"Now?" She asked glancing at the clock herself.

I shook my head. "In the morning. Like Matt said 'I'll figure it out then.'"

"Okay," Mandy nodded to herself, seemingly pleased that I had seen reason. She stood up and stretched her arms above her head, her spine make a satisfying pop before she looked down at me. "You must be tired. I'll go get you some blankets and a pillow. You want to pop that bag of peas back in the freezer?"

"Sure," I stood up, wincing as my weight put pressure on my feet.  _Damn, that stings._  It wasn't unbearable, infinitely better than before, but I still limped awkwardly trying to walk as gingerly as possible. I deposited the thawed bag of peas in the freezer, while Mandy disappeared down the hallway to the linen closet where all the extra blankets were kept. She returned with a flannel sheet and matching pillowcase, fluffy pillow, and a soft, polyester throw. We both set about quietly making the leather couch into a comfortable place for me to sleep, tucking the sheets, stuffing the pillowcase, and layering the throw. Once that was done, she told me to try to get some sleep and that she'd see me in the morning.

I nodded watching her pad towards her room. "Goodnight, Mandy. And thanks."

She paused to smile at me over her shoulder. "Anytime, Bella." Then she shut the door behind her with a soft click, leaving me alone with my own thoughts for the remainder of the night.


	3. Goodbyes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bella has to say goodbye.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a long-ass chapter. I feel like the end might be a bit rushed, but I can't look at it anymore. I feel like this is a good stopping point too. I have all the pieces set up for the next chapter, so I'm leaving it how it is. Anyways, thank you to all of you who've left kudos, subscribed, bookmarked and commented. Your support means a lot.
> 
> I've been working on the outline for this fic, and I've decided that there will be elements of Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse in this story, but the plot itself won't really follow the plot of these books too closely. Maybe the first book for the first 20 or so chapters, but towards the middle, the story's gonna take a drastic shift.
> 
> Also heads up, I'm making some changes to Meyer's vampire lore so everything makes a bit more sense scientifically and logically. I thought it was rather ridiculous how much the vampires stood out compared to the humans, so I'm changing some their physical characteristics so they blend in better normal people (i.e. keeping human eye colors and skin colors, freckles, birthmarks, tattoos, and scars, etc.) as well as some facets of the Volturi government (a.k.a actually serving a purpose and governing.) Some parts of the character's backstories will also be changed/added onto for more historical accuracy.

> " _Only in the agony of parting do we look into the depths of love."_
> 
> —George Eliot,  _Felix Holt: The Radical_.

The harsh realities of the morning came too quickly. I don't even know if I had slept, to be honest. Although, I suppose I had at some point because I was vaguely aware of a dream in which I was running from something—I don't know what—and I had tripped and fallen which had startled me awake. When I opened my eyes, I saw Matt and Holly pouring coffee and making breakfast. The clock on the wall told me it was about seven.

"Mornin'," Holly greeted me when she noticed that I was awake. "You want some coffee."

"Uh-huh," I mumbled, sitting up and rubbing at my crusty eyes. I hadn't gotten nearly enough sleep. My body still longed for the comfort of my pillow, but I forced myself to get up and stumble to the island counter, picking up the hot elixir of life that Holly had set before me. Plopping my butt onto a barstool, I took a small sip from the ceramic mug.

"So how'd you sleep?"

"Eh," I yawned.

"Yeah, I hear you. I feel like death this morning, I can only imagine how you feel," Matt said. I noticed that he already dressed and showered in his EMT uniform with a black apron protecting him from any backsplash from the eggs and bacon he was frying at the stove. "Ya hungry? How do you like your eggs? Fried or scrambled?"

"Fried's fine," I said. He nodded and flipped a fried egg out of the pan with practiced ease. Holly was busy spreading cream cheese on a toasted bagel as she read over that morning's issue of 'The Arizona Republic'. She too was dressed and showered wearing a pair of black scrubs, her dark hair pulled up into a professional-looking ponytail. Holly worked as a dental hygienist for a small family practice a couple of blocks east of here.

I sat quietly drinking my coffee, lost in thought. Today was Thursday and I had to be at Trevor Browne High School by eight-fifteen. It would take me a least thirty minutes to walk there from here. But my school books and things were still at Renee's...Maybe I should just skip today? I really didn't want to have to deal with Renee today or ever really. She'd probably be passed out drunk, but on the off chance that she wasn't, I didn't want to risk another altercation.

I should call Lilly. I remember I had left my dinky prepaid cell phone in our room. I should call her and make sure she's okay. But first, I should call Charlie and catch him before he goes into work. Setting down my coffee, I asked Holly, "You mind if I use the phone?"

"Nah, go ahead," she said and passed me wireless phone off the counter.

I turned it around in my hands and punched in the old number I had memorized for years. The last time I had spoken to my dad was a few weeks back when I had called him around Christmas. We didn't keep in frequent contact with each other, but birthdays, major holidays, and father's day I always tried to call him to let him know I was doing okay. I held the device up to my ear and waited for him to pick up, which he did after only two rings.

"Chief Swan," his greeting was gruff and serious over the phone.

"Hey, dad. It's me, umm, Bella," I said.

"Bells?" Charlie's tone changed dramatically, losing all its harshness and sounding delighted. I could almost hear a smile in his voice. "Oh, hey, kiddo. What's up? How are you?"

"Umm, I'm good," I said awkwardly. All things considered, I guess. "And you?"

"Good, good. I'm eating breakfast getting ready to leave for the station," he said. "It's good to hear from you, kid. We haven't talked since Christmas Eve. You and Lilly get those cards I sent you?"

I felt a flood of guilt fill my chest for not having called him sooner. I was such a shitty daughter sometimes. "Yeah, we did. Thank you. Did you get ours?"

"Yep. Put it on the fridge with all the others," he said.

"...Oh?" I felt my face flush at the thought of all Christmas, birthday, and Father's Day cards Lilly and I sent him over the years put out for other people to see. It was a bit embarrassing knowing that Charlie had such high regard for the cheap little cards I sent him, but it was nice too in a way. "Look, Dad, umm, do you have a minute? I need to, umm, talk to you about something."

He must've sensed the nervous stammer in my voice because he immediately asked, "What's wrong? What happened?"

"Look, I'm okay," I said slowly.

"Well, of course, you're okay. Why wouldn't you be okay?"

I could tell that his mind was already jumping to the worst conclusions. I sucked in a deep breath and hurried to explain. "I'm okay," I said again. "I just want you to know that before I tell you what happened. And please let me finish before you say anything, Dad. Please."

He sighed heavily in my ear and I imagined him rubbing his hand over his face as he so often did he was stressed about work. "Alright."

"Thank you." I ran my fingers along the rim of my mug, careful to choose my words. I supposed the best way to do this was to come right out and say it. "Re-Mom threw me out last night. We, umm, got into a fight and she locked me out. I crashed at a friend's place, but, umm, she...She told me not to come back. And I was wondering if maybe—if it's not too much trouble—if I could, uh, stay with you for a little while?"

"Renee threw you out?" He repeated slowly making sure he had understood me correctly.

"Yes."

"Why?" He asked.

"She got engaged to her boyfriend and told us we were moving to Florida. I-I didn't want to go and so she…"

"Okay. I understand," he said shifting away from the phone as he muttered something under his breath. I didn't catch what it was, but it sounded like a curse. "When do you need a plane ticket by? Today or tomorrow?"

"I can stay with you?"

He scoffed as if that was a ridiculous question. "Of course you can, Bella, you're my daughter. Now today or tomorrow?"

"Umm… hold on, let me think. I'd need to sort some things out here first with my job and school."

"So Friday then. Can you get a ride to the airport?"

"Umm…" I looked up at Matt and Holly, who had been listening on my side of the conversation with interest, and asked, "Could either of you drive me to the airport tomorrow?"

"What time?" Matt asked.

"What's a good time for you?"

"I have a have a twelve-hour shift today and tomorrow night," he said.

"I could drive you," Mandy piped up from behind me. She exited out of her bedroom wearing a pair of dark-washed jeans and a grey and black mid-sleeved t-shirt, her hair still slightly damp from her shower. "I only have nursing class at night. So anytime between six a.m. or five p.m. is good for me."

I nodded turning back to my conversation with Charlie. "I can get a ride anytime between six to five. So maybe something in the afternoon or evening."

"Okay, there's a flight that leaves at eleven-forty-five a.m. tomorrow and arrives here around two. Is that good for you?"

"Yeah. That should work," I said. "What airline is it?"

"United. I'll email you the flight information so you can print it out." There was some typing over the line as Charlie booked my ticket and forwarded me the ticket information in my email. During this time, Matt set a plate of two fried eggs, some bacon, and a slice of toast in front of me.

"You want butter and jam?" I nodded and he turned to retrieve the condiments out of the fridge door, setting them next to my plate along with knife and fork.

"Thanks," I mouthed.

"What about Lilly?" Charlie asked me. "Is she okay?"

"She's fine. She's not with me. She's at Re-Mom's," I told him.

"So she only kicked you out?"

"...yeah." I stabbed at the butter with my knife, dislodging a medium-sized chunk to spread on my toast. "Dad I was wondering if there was any way that-that Lilly could—"

"Bells, I hear you. But you know I can't," he cut me off. "That would technically be kidnapping."

I sighed, defeated. That's right it wouldn't be possible. But I already knew that. Charlie had no right to take in both Lilly and I. Only me because I was his daughter. If he tried it to take Lilly too, I had no doubt in my mind that Renee would throw a huge fit and very likely get him thrown in jail. But I still wasn't assured with the idea of leaving her here. "She can't stay there. Not without me. It's not—"

Charlie sighed then too. "I know, I know. I'll look into it, but for now, my hands are tied. Let's focus on one thing at a time, okay? Is there anything else you need? Do you have someplace to stay tonight? I can book you a hotel."

"No, I'll be fine," I told him. "I'm staying with some friends." The plane ticket was plenty. Airline tickets weren't cheap and I knew that he must've paid a small fortune to book such a last minute flight, anything more would've been too much. "Umm, thanks, Dad, for doing this. For helping."

"Of course, Bells. You know you can call me at any time. Especially in situations like this," he said.

"I-I know." My voice was soft, shaky almost, and overflowing with an emotion that I hadn't had much experience with. Charlie's parental concern made me feel both inexplicably grateful and depressed. It was different having someone I could actually rely on. I wasn't used to it. Aware of the audience I had, I quickly clamped it down for fear that it would overwhelm me and I would start crying again. "Look I'll let you get going," I said. "I'll—uh—call you if anything else happens."

"Please do. I love you, Bells."

"I-I love you too, Dad. Bye."

Charlie said a soft "goodbye" back, then I hung up. At least now I had one thing taken care of. I wouldn't be couch-hopping or standing in line at the homeless shelter. But I still had about ninety-nine more problems and my bitch of a mother definitely was one. "My dad booked me a plane ticket for tomorrow with United. The flight leaves at eleven-forty-five," I told Mandy.

"Okay," she nodded. "You want to borrow my laptop to print out the confirmation number?"

"Yeah, but first I have one more call I have to make," I said quickly dialing a second number that I had memorized. I held the device up to my ear again as I listened to it ring. It rang and rang and rang—It rang until I was sure that no one was going to pick up. But then on the sixth ring, Lilly answered, "H-Hello?"

_Thank god,_  I breathed a sigh of relief. "Lil—"

"Izzy? Oh, thank god. I was so worried. Are you okay?"

She kept her voice low, no louder than a soft whisper, which led me to believe that Renee and/or Lip were still somewhere in the vicinity. "That's my line," I joked. "I'm fine, though. I'm at Mandy's. Matt patched me up. And, I crashed on the couch."

"Okay. Good. T-That's good to know," she said.

"Are you okay though, Lil? Renee didn't do anything to you after I left did she?" I asked.

"Me? No. Mom only sent me to our room. Her and Lip got into an argument after you left. He didn't agree with the way she handled things with you and he stormed out about fifteen minutes later. I heard her raging and throwing things around for half the night. She's passed out now in her room."

I furrowed my brows as I began to put jam my toast. I decided going home this morning was certainly not an option. Especially if Renee and Lip had fought, that only meant that she would be in a particularly bitchy mood. And, the morning's hangover wouldn't make it any better. "Look, Lil, can you call me again when she leaves?"

"...sure," She agreed easily enough, however she must've caught something in my tone, an inflection that made her nervous. "Izzy? You are coming home today right?"

I hesitated. For a moment too long there was nothing but dead air between us that carried with it dark implications and Lilly picked up on it instantly.

"You are planning to come home, right?" She asked me.

"Lil, I need to talk to you in person. This isn't something I should tell you over the phone," I said.

"That doesn't sound good, ya know…"

"I know."

More silence, then reluctantly, fearfully, she asked, "A-Are you...leaving me?"

"Lilly," I began then paused. I couldn't lie to her. I just couldn't. But I also found myself unable to tell her the truth. The words lodged themselves in my throat. I choked on them, gagging, unable to articulate anything more than a haggard gasp. This would crush her. It was already crushing me. I-I couldn't say it. I need time. More time—just a little more time—time to find the right words so maybe it won't hurt so much, however, time wasn't on my side. I didn't have any more time. I needed to say this now. Tell her now. She needed to know. I needed to tell her. Tell her. Tell. Her. Now.  _Do it!_

"I-I called Char—" My voice cracked and I tried to swallow down the lump in my throat. My mouth felt terribly dry and I hurriedly took another long sip of my coffee. "IcalledCharlie," I rushed out.

"Really?" Lilly was surprised. "What did he say?"

"He—He wants me to come live with him," I told her.

"...oh."

That single softly-spoken "oh" shot through my chest like a bullet. Pain coiled around my lungs, squeezing the air out them like a boa constrictor does to a rat and my words escaped me. I was acutely aware of the audience I had in the room —although they were trying to give me some semblance of privacy, talking quietly amongst themselves— I knew they were listening. My attention flickered briefly to Mandy, long enough to catch the pitying look in her eyes, I looked away, down to the plate of food in front of me. I suddenly didn't feel so hungry anymore. The greasy bacon on my plate looked more and more unappetizing by the second as my stomach churned.

"Lil, umm, I know this isn't ideal. I know that me leaving...It feels like a betrayal. And it is, believe me, the last thing I want is to leave you here with Renee. But I, umm, have given this a lot of thought and this is the best case scenario that I could think of. I can't do this by myself. I need Charlie's help and—"

"I understand," she cut me off. "Charlie's not my dad and Renee would never give me up without a fight. I get it, Izzy. I do. When do you leave?"

"Tomorrow."

"W-Will I see you before you go?" She asked, her voice wavering. There were tears there. I could hear the choked, wet lilt to her words. It killed me. This was killing me. I wanted to cry, but I didn't.

"Of course. I wouldn't leave without seeing you. I still have to pack, that is if Renee hasn't thrown out all my stuff…"

"She hasn't," Lilly assured me. "I made sure to lock the door."

That's good to know. At least I didn't have to go dumpster diving in search of my clothes again. "Thanks, Lil." I smiled sadly to myself, even though I knew she couldn't see. That was just as well, I didn't want her to see how close to breaking down I actually was. "Hey, how 'bout today you and I play hooky. I got a list of things that I need to do, but you can come with me and we'll pick up some food from Jimmy Jack's."

" _You don't have to—"_

"But I want to," I said. "Besides how long has it been since we've had a girls' day?"

"Too long," she agreed.

"Then let's do it. I'll meet you in about twenty-ish minutes at the bus stop on Hundred-and-third. And bring some of the cash with you, okay? Oh, and my wallet and my backpack too, I'm gonna need to return my textbooks and clean out my locker."

"Okay," she said.

"I—" I paused unsure of what I wanted to say. There were so many things, so many emotions, but not nearly enough words to encapsulate all of them. Instead, I settled on the most important thing, "I love you, Lil."

"I love you too, Izzy."

I blinked the tears out of my eyes and said, "I gotta go. I'll see you in a bit." Then I hung up before she could hear my voice wavering. I set the phone down beside my plate and brushed a hand over my eyes. No tears, remember. Not here.

"Hey, you okay?" Mandy asked me.

I nodded, grimly. "Yeah. I'm fine." Maybe if I said it enough I'd actually start to believe it.

I handed the phone back to Holly, thanking her again. Then I set about clearing off my plate. I didn't really taste the food, just shoveled it into my mouth robotically while I compiled a checklist of everything I would need to take care of before I left. I would need to give my notice for my job and pick up my last paycheck. Then, I would probably need to use that money to buy some warm clothes at the local thrift store. I knew I didn't have anything that was suited for the weather in Washington, so I at least needed to pick up some long-sleeved shirts and, if I could find it, a good winter coat. And, maybe, a second prepaid cell phone that way I could leave mine here with Lilly so I'd be able to keep in contact with her. I would also have to stop by the school, talk to the guidance counselor, get a copy of my high school transcript, fill out the paperwork for my transfer, and return my textbooks. Then it would just be packing up everything I had a Renee's. I tried to think about what I'd need to take with me. Clothes, obviously, and important documents like my birth certificate and social security card. I didn't really have much else besides that. Maybe a few old journals, some books, and a coupled treasured mementos like pictures and such—I could probably fit everything into one carry-on bag.

Matt and Holly both left around seven-forty-five, rushing out the door with hurried goodbyes thrown over their shoulders. Mandy offered to lend me some of her clothes so I could take a shower, fortunate that we were roughly the same size. I know I needed it. I was beginning to smell a bit ripe. I emerged from the bathroom ten minutes later with my hair damp and wearing a warm navy hoodie and white t-shirt and a pair of loose-fitting grey sweatpants.

During that time, Mandy had cleaned up the kitchen and set out her laptop on the small kitchen table for me to use. We discussed what my plans were today and set up a plan for driving me to the airport tomorrow, while I printed out my flight information and sent an email to the faculty of Fork's High School asking what specific documents I would need for my transfer. It was decided that we would leave around nine-thirty in the morning in order to miss rush hour traffic and that would give me at least an hour to get through security and board my plane.

At eight-o-five, Mandy and I both left the apartment going our separate ways. I was running a little late and so I started jogging toward a Hundred-and-third Avenue. We didn't live in the best part of town. I would call it ghetto-adjacent. Everyone knew that West Van Buren Street was where a lot of the shady shit went down. It wasn't safe, especially for a young girl of Lilly's age. And, while Lilly was used to this place and had enough street smarts not to wittingly put herself in dangerous situations, it was still better for her not to wait too long by herself. I arrived slightly out of breath to see Lilly sitting on the metal bench under the rain cover, dressed a bit similar to me, except she was wearing a grey hoodie and faded jeans, and her frizzy blonde curls were pulled up out of her face with a ponytail. She noticed me almost immediately, raising her head, and waving at me as I made my way over to her.

"Hey, you've been here long?" I asked her.

"No, just got here."

"Good." I nodded then moved to sit down beside her. Since it was morning, there were a few other people waiting at the bus stop too but not as many as I would've expected for a weekday. "Did you have breakfast?"

She nodded, "Toaster waffles and an apple." Then she reached into her pocket and handed me a folded wad of cash. "Here, I didn't know how much you'd need so I just grabbed fifty. Is that enough?"

"Plenty," I said. "Was mom still out when you left?"

"Yep. I don't think a marching band could've woken her up," she said. "So what's the plan today?"

"We'll first I thought we'd head to Songbird, so I can give my notice and pick up my last paycheck," I said. "Then I thought we'd hit up Maggie's, you know that little thrift store on East McDowell, and find me some more weather appropriate clothing for Washington. I definitely need some long-sleeved shirts and a heavy coat. We can stop by Jimmy Jack's for lunch, then stop by the high school to get my transfer papers on the way back home. I also thought I might stop and pick up a new cell phone too. It depends on whether I'll have enough money or not."

"Why do you need a new cell phone? Your current one works fine."

"Well, I thought I'd leave that one with you. You know, in case you ever need to get in contact with me or something. It'd be a lot easier than email and I'd feel better if I know you have it."

"Oh, okay. That makes sense," she said a little forlornly. She looked downcasted; her normally bright blue eyes seemed to have dulled overnight from a clear blue sky to a cloudy and rainy day. My own expression fell at this and I found myself lacking the energy to put forth any false exuberance.

I sighed. "So you want to talk about it or…?"

"Maybe later," she said. "I-If we bring it up now, I don't think I'll be able to make it through the day."

I nodded. Honestly, same. I don't know how I was keeping my shit together right now. Each second I was supremely aware of our encroaching separation. I wanted to cry and scream and rage against the injustice of it all. Life wasn't fair, that's what they say, but sometimes it's more unfair for some than it is for others. Lilly and I had drawn the short straw by having Renee as our mother, and for the longest time, our only consolation had been in that being daughters of Renee meant that we had each other. But what about now? Now that we were being ripped from one another, what comfort did either of us have now? At least I had Charlie, but what or who did Lilly have? That questioned scared me, churning around and around in my head until I felt like I was going to pass out. I felt sick. I'm not sure if those eggs agreed with me. Or maybe it was the bacon?

"So later it is," I agreed. Lilly glanced up at me and gave me a weak smile that I couldn't manage to reciprocate. Although, I tried—I really did.

The day we had with each other was altogether far too short. It felt as if time had turned against us the second we agreed not to talk about it and boarded the bus downtown to Central Avenue. Although we agreed not to talk about, we were both acutely aware of the ticking bomb that lay before us. Each second ticked by twice as fast, making us both tenser and tenser as the day continued.

The morning had passed by rather uneventfully. We arrived at Songbird Coffee and Tea House at about nine-forty. I talked to Joan, my manager, and explained to her my situation and she seemed genuinely disappointed that I was leaving, but wished me luck all the same and even wrote me a quick reference letter to go along with my paycheck. Then we walked towards Roosevelt Street and caught the bus to Third Street and walked to the bus stop on Sixteenth Street to get on the bus to East McDowell Road. After years of using public transport, both Lilly and I knew the bus routes and schedules like the back of our hands. It was the only way to get around in the city and with our bus passes, that Lilly had remembered to grab, even if it'll take us a little longer to get to where we were going, it was infinitely cheaper than getting a taxi or Uber. My last paycheck wasn't a lot since it wasn't the full two weeks of work, however, I had enough that I was able to buy a few plain long-sleeved shirts of grey, blue, and black, two soft wool sweaters, some pairs thick warm socks and a knit beanie. I have even managed to luck out and find a decent olive green coat with a hood and soft beige inner lining. There were some minor stains in the cuff of the left sleeve, yet for only ten dollars it was a steal.

Lilly and I joked and laughed with each other like we always did; trying on sunglasses at the thrift store until we could find the most ridiculous pair, then digging through the bin of ugly Christmas sweaters, and browsing the small used book section for any hidden gems. By the time lunch rolled around, though, the light-hearted atmosphere between us had spiraled leaving us both somber and quiet. Jimmy Jack's Hamburgers was one of Lilly's and mine's favorite restaurants to eat. They served, of course, burgers and fries and typical fast food like sandwiches, burritos, and whatnot for the fraction of the price of other well known fast food chains. Lilly especially loved the buffalo wings there so I thought it might lift the mood. But it didn't. Instead, Lilly and I ate like we were two inmates on death row being served our last meal, merely picking at our food and not really enjoying it.

The time spent at the high school took a while. I had to sit in with my guidance counselor, Mr. Tate, while he walked me through the transfer process and discussed which of my credits could and could not be transferred. I gave him the very abridged version of why I was transferring schools: I was moving to Washington to stay with my dad. That's it—short and simple. It was a tedious process that took an hour, so I told Lilly she could hang out in the school's library until it was over. It was around three-forty-five when we finally got out of there after all the paperwork was filled out, my books returned, and my locker cleaned out.

On the way home, we decided to stop for some frozen yogurt. In part, because we were both stalling and we knew that when we arrived home it would be when we would have to say our goodbyes and also because we knew that Renee was unlikely it get up and leave the house any time before happy hour. Still, it was a bittersweet treat that couldn't be fully appreciated by either of us. After that, we stopped by a Walmart for me to run in and buy one of those cheap camera flip phones. I got one of those cheap Straight Talk phone plans that gave me unlimited texting and fifteen-hundred minutes.

When we arrived out our block is was around five-thirty or so. Lilly ran up to the apartment complex ahead of me to check to make sure the coast was clear. I waited down the street in view of the upstairs corridor, so I could see Lilly if she decided to wave me over. After about five minutes or so, Lilly's head of blonde hair appeared at the opening of the balcony and she gestured me forward.

The apartment was a mess. Everything was turned over, kitchen chairs, the coffee table. Glass was still scattered in the kitchen. Cigarette buds littered the counters. It looked like Renee had thrown a real fit.

Taking out my new cellphone, I snapped a picture of the chaos.

"What are you doing?" Lilly asked.

"Taking pictures for the lawyer. Show them how we were living," I walked into the kitchen taking another of the line of prescription bottles lined up on the windowsill over the sink. None of the prescriptions had Renee's name, yet she still crushed them up and snorted them like they were hers. Lilly waited while I snapped a couple more photos in the living room, focusing on the mass of discarded beer bottles and the mysterious stain on the ceiling where the rain would sometimes leak through.

I took pictures of the other rooms too. The bathroom was in need desperate of some repair work and had obvious signs of cockroaches. Renee's room looked like something right out of an episode of Hoarders with clothes piled up in various places and trash and shoes, and whatnot was scattered over the carpet. Renee was a habitual packrat with a shopping addiction and she would bring home all kinds of things, things that she didn't even need, and stash them away in her room. I rarely went in there. I didn't like going in there. I had no idea how someone could live in such disarray.

Mine and Lilly's room was the only semi-decent place in the whole apartment. Although, that wasn't really saying much. Things were just as rundown and worn out like everything else. The main difference was that we tried, as much as we could given our financial limitations, to make the place as homey as possible. We used throw rugs to hide mysterious stains in the carpet, strategically placed posters to conceal any holes or cracks in the walls, colorful geometric-designed pillows were stacked on top of the second-hand twin bed pushed against the wall to create a sofa of sorts during the day. There was only one bed that Lilly and I both shared as we had since Lilly had grown too big for her Pack 'N Play, and that took up most of the floor space. But there was also a small wooden dresser in the corner and metal clothing rack that was used as a makeshift closet. There was no actual closet in this room. It was far too small for that.

I kept a worn black duffle bag under the bed that I would periodically use when taking trips to and from the laundry mat. I took it out and placed it on the bed, unzipping it, then gathering my clothes, packing them inside. Lilly helped and we worked in tandem, silently packing. It only took twenty minutes to gather all my belongings. As I predicted, I was able to fit everything into one bag.

The sound of the zipper grated and churned my stomach as I zip the bag closed. This was it. I sighed. Turning back around, I saw Lilly bending down over the broken heating grate in the floor. It was supposed to be screwed in, but we found that the screws securing the metal grate had stripped which allowed you to be able to pull up and remove it. We used it a place to hide things—one of many in the apartment. Lilly stuck her small hand down and felt around for a moment before pulling out the grocery bag full of cash.

"Here," she stood and handed it to me.

I shook my head and tried to push it back into her hands. "No, you keep it," I said.

"No it's your money," Lilly argued.

"You might need it more. I can always get another job in Forks and make it back," I reasoned, but she shook her head.

"That's three months of your wages. All of your savings. I'm not taking it."

"Lil—"

"Look, take it and use it to hire a lawyer or something. Or get yourself a car, you might need one in Washington."

There were twenty-three hundred dollars in that bag, most of it tips from the full-time waitressing job I had taken over winter break at a strip club. I refused to leave Lilly with nothing. In case of an emergency, or god forbid Renee ever kicked her out too, I wanted her to have some means so she wasn't starving or sleeping under an overpass somewhere. I didn't want her to have to fend for herself and be forced into hard decisions to survive. I knew what that was like. I knew the kind of things she might have to do just to clothe and feed herself. I had done them myself—things that no little girl should ever have to do. I tried to shield her from all of that growing up and even if I wasn't able to be here for her physically, I was determined to, at the very least, be here for her financially.

I pulled out several bills, a couple of hundred dollars worth, and held them out to her. "Please take it, Lil," I said. "I want you to have it just in case." She was reluctant, but she did eventually take the money much to my relief. I hugged her.

It was one of those long squeezing hugs where you never wanted to let go. We stood there in that tiny bedroom basking in each other's physical presence. Lilly's small hands clenched the back of my hoodie and she snuggled into my breast. "Promise me," her voice was low, "promise me you'll come back for me."

Tears pricked at my eyes hearing that desperate plea. I pulled her closer to me still. "Always," I said. "I'll always come back for you." I hoped to commit to memory the smell of sunshine and mint that was her and the feeling of her frizzy hair brushing against my cheek.  _Oh, sweet baby, I'm so sorry—_

I kissed the crown of her head, "I love you so much. You know that right?" She nodded. "You have my new number so call or text me anytime, day or night, okay?" Another nod. "I mean it, Lil. I want you to check in regularly. I need you to."

"Okay. I will."

I needed to let go. It was time now. But removing my arms from her, it felt—Well, it felt like sawing off those arms with a rusted hack saw. It hurt too damn much. I didn't want to go. I didn't want to leave her. I wanted to snatch her up and take her with me, consequences be damned. Renee didn't deserve her. She didn't cherish the bright, happy ball of sunshine that she was. I was thinking of myself now. How could I possibly cope without her cheerful disposition? I was always so glum and pessimistic, but Lilly...Lilly was optimism personified. Without her, I feared that I would fall into a deep dark pit and never be able to climb my way out again.

_It's only temporary,_  I had to remind myself. It felt like a lie to me. This goodbye didn't feel like a temporary thing and I feared that it wouldn't be. I couldn't get myself to actually say the words. I didn't want to say them. Goodbyes were too final and this wasn't final. So when I pulled away to look into those dewy blue eyes, I forced a smile and said, "I'll tell Charlie you said 'hi'."

"And give him a hug for me too," she added.

"Definitely." I tucked a stray curl behind her ear, my fingers caressing her cheek. Then I forced myself to turn away, slinging my black duffle over my shoulder, and making my way out the bedroom door. Lilly didn't follow.

I couldn't let myself fully grieve for what I had lost. There was still so much to do, so much that needed my attention that there wasn't time to feel sad. I was good at pushing my emotions down and keeping them there. Leaving Lilly was like ripping a hole out of my chest—like I had carved out my heart and offer it up as a sacrifice to a Mayan priest. I lost a part of me and I wouldn't be whole again until I got it back.

Friday morning passed by me in a blur. I couldn't eat breakfast that day, although I tried, my stomach just wasn't having it. Mandy tried to show me the positives of my situation, prattling about new starts and making friends my own age as she drove me to the airport in her beat-up Toyota sedan, but I couldn't muster up the same enthusiasm. Then we said our goodbyes at the airport drop-off, and even those were brief and to the point, promising to keep in touch and text her when I landed. I thanked Mandy again for all the help and support she's given me over the last two years we've started working together. I told her she was the closest thing I ever had to a big sister which made her tear up as she ushered me out of her car and onto the sidewalk.

"Don't make me cry, kiddo," she had said hugging me one last time. "Look after yourself, alright?"

"I will." I always did. I smiled at her weakly and took my duffle bag from her. She smiled back, patted my shoulder, and then climbed back in her car. I stood and watched the brown sedan merge with the rest of the traffic before I left. It felt like the end of something as I turned and strode into the airport.

Forks was a small seaside town located in the Olympic Peninsula of northwest Washington State. It sits just west of the Olympic National Park and is surrounded by a lush temperate rainforest, ice-capped mountain peaks, and the frigid Pacific Ocean. It was the kind of place where everyone knew everyone. Like most small towns, the citizens treated each other more like a large extended family and to those merely passing through, it was a place known for its hospitality and kick-ass grilled salmon. It was from this place that Renee had yanked me from at age three and carted me off to the sprawling metropolis of Phoenix, Arizona where I have lived ever since.

Every summer before I was thirteen, I would return to that tiny secluded town and spend the summer months with Charlie. I have fond memories of fishing trips at Lake Crescent and long hikes through the tall evergreens of the Hoh rainforest. Whenever I went up there, Renee had always sent Lilly with me to get us both out of her hair. And for ten weeks, Lilly and I were blissfully unaware of the hardships of our lives.

It was the one place I had always associated with happier times. The overwhelming smell of pine and ocean spray, as well as the sound of rain pattering against the windows, reminded me of the brief time I had actually had a happy family. The memories were nothing more than vague little snippets: the sound of Charlie's booming laugh, turpentine from Renee's oil paints, lounging the summer sun on a picnic blanket while making daisy chains. I couldn't remember the details, but I remembered enough to know that we were all happy once upon a time.

It was about a three-hour flight from Phoenix to Seattle and then another four hours in the car driving to get to Forks. I made it through airport security easily enough and spent over an hour at the gate waiting for my plane. The plane coming in had been delayed by twenty minutes and when I finally boarded it was twelve-o-five. Nothing of significance happened on the plane as far as I know. I had a window seat and I fell asleep curled against the wall about fifteen minutes in, staying that way until the stewardess woke me up to open my window for landing.

When I landed, it was two-fifteen and a cloudy, biting thirty-four degrees with light rain drizzling on the tarmac. Thirty-four degrees wasn't that cold objectively, however, I was from Phoenix so it might as well have been sub-zero. I had flown in and out of this airport so much that I moved on habit instead of reading any of the large information signs as I made my way to the baggage claim.

Charlie was waiting at the baggage claim, standing by one of the pillars in view of all the people exiting from the security checkpoint. It had been four years since I've seen him, yet he still looked more or less the same. He still had the same short dark haircut, perhaps with a little more grey on the sides, his Tom-Selleck-esque style mustache was still sitting above his thin mouth, and his face although more worn and wrinkled around the eyes and forehead was still long and thin. He was scanning the crowd of people passing through the area looking for me.

I had changed a bit too, I suppose. The last time I had been here, I had been a tiny waif of a thing: all knobbly knees and scrawny arms. My hair was cropped short back then too like a boy's after Renee had chopped it all off as punishment for back talking. For weeks I was teased by the other kids at school and it was Charlie who had to take me to a real hairdresser to fix the crooked, crudely-cut ends. Needless to say, my prepubescent self wasn't that popular in middle school. Even now, after my hair has grown back and I've filled out a little, I still wasn't anything to look at average height, plain features, and muddy brown hair.

He caught my gaze then, his expression softening as he waved me over. "Hey, Bells," Charlie grinned as he enveloped me in a warm hug. My dad wasn't known among his colleagues as being a cuddly teddy bear. I've heard him be referred to as a hard-ass many times—He was the Chief of Police, he had to be. But even before taking on the position, he had a reputation for being a gruff, serious no-nonsense-type person. It was different with me and Lilly, though, with us that harsh exterior always melted away leaving a gooey sweet marshmallow that told really awful dad jokes.

"Hi, Dad," I smiled and hugged him back, "it's good to see you."

"You too, Bells," He said pulling back and giving me a once over. "Damn, I almost didn't recognize you. You've grown a lot. How was your flight?"

"It was good. I slept through most of it," I said.

"Ya hungry? I figured we could stop along the way and get something to eat if you want?"

"That sounds good," I agreed. What little I had managed to stomach that morning had not tied me over very well and I was starting to feel my appetite return, albeit very slowly.

"Great," Charlie nodded and turned, glancing at my black duffle. "Is that all you brought?"

"Yeah," I said adjusting the strap on my shoulder, "I packed light." He didn't say anything in response, but I could tell by the way his brows drew together that this seemed to displease him. He looked at me again, dark eyes studying my profile and the bruised cheek and busted lip. I tensed and looked away—I didn't want to see the look on his face.

After a few seconds, he sighed and said, "Well, c'mon. The truck's out this way." I followed Charlie to the elevator bay and we rode down to the parking garage. He talked to me along the way about what I wanted to eat. I told him I didn't have a preference. As long as it was quick and hot I could eat whatever. I shivered in my coat as we exited the warmth of the elevator into the icy air of the parking garage. I walked fast partly to keep warm and partly to keep up with Charlie's long strides. Fortunately, his 2003 forest green Chevy was parked within spitting distance of the elevators.

I hurried to climb inside, shoving my duffle into the backseat and rubbing my hands together. I should've remembered to get some gloves.

"You cold?"

"Yes."

Charlie turned the ignition and adjusted the heat to the hottest setting, pointing the vent in my direction. "It'll take a couple of minutes to warm up," he said. I turned and buckled my seat belt as he backed the truck out of the space.

Within a few minutes, it did start to warm up some as we drove out of the airport. I watched the grey overcast sky from outside my window. Mid-October always kicked off the start of Washington's infamous rainy season, which progressed with increasing vigor until you were smacked with a monsoon of pelting rain that always seemed to fall around the first of November. Fall, Winter, and Spring were the wettest months of the year. It had been ages since I had experienced it, but I didn't find myself feeling any nostalgia for Arizona's clear blue skies. In fact, I found the change to be quite refreshing.

Charlie drove us to a Jack In The Box off of interstate-5. There we ordered two Double Jack cheeseburgers with two large fries and a hot coffee for me. I sipped at the hot beverage in my hands, letting the heat from the cup seep into my icy fingertips.

_Ah, that's better._

"So what's the plan now?" I asked.

Charlie took a bite out of his burger and glanced at me, "Plan?"

"Yeah, like what's gonna happen now that I'm here?"

"Oh, I see," he said. " Well, first things first, I thought we'd get you registered for school on Monday."

"I already started on that," I told him. "I emailed them yesterday with photocopies of my transfer papers."

"You did? Wow, you don't waste any time… So what did they say?"

"They want me to bring in a copy of my birth certificate. But I couldn't find the one that Renee had—"

"That's okay," he assured me. "I have a copy at home. I have your room all set up for you too. Uh, Sue—You remember Susan Clearwater?"

"Yeah, Harry's wife," I nodded. Harry Clearwater was an old childhood friend of my dad's that lived on the Quileute Indian Reservation. His wife Sue was a nurse.

"Well, she wanted to help redecorate, make it more welcoming to you. Fair warning, she may have gone a little overboard when she found out you were coming," he said.

I smiled. I had always liked Sue and Harry. They were good people. During summers in Forks, we'd always spend a lot of time on the Rez with the Clearwaters. They had two kids close to my age, Leah and Seth. Leah was the older one. She was about four years older, while Seth was closer to Lilly's age. I remember various fishing trips and bonfires and barbecues on First Beach in which they had all been in attendance.

"I'm sure it's fine," I said. "So they're all doing good?"

"Yeah, yeah. Harry just got a new fishing boat. He's been bugging me to go out with him and Billy on my day off." Billy Black was another childhood friend of my fathers. He and his wife, Sarah, had two daughters, Rebecca and Rachel, that I used to play with a lot as well as little Jacob who all three of us constantly babied. Sadly, since I've been gone, I heard that Sarah had passed and Billy was confined to a wheelchair after an awful car accident. "And Billy?"

"Ah, well, he's hanging in there. You know things haven't been great since Sarah… But he has help. The girls and Jake keep him in line," he told me. "They're all excited to see you."

"We'll have to make a trip over there sometime soon," I considered popping a crispy fry into my mouth.

"There's no rush. You got time," he said. That I did. I had all the time I could want. I wouldn't be going back to Arizona anymore. Forks was going to be my home now. Somehow I found myself unable to reconcile that fact. It didn't feel real, even as I thought of it, Forks couldn't be my home. Not yet anyway. It wouldn't be home until Lilly was there with me.

"And what about mom? What are we going to do about her?" I asked.

Charlie's expression hardened at the mention of Renee. He tightened his grip on the steering wheel and kept his eyes trained on the road in front of us. "Your mother…" he started, the word 'mother' sounded like there should've been another word after it, or before, one that wasn't acceptable for a father to say in front of his daughter no matter how much said daughter agreed with the sentiment. "I got in touch with a lawyer in Port Angeles. I scheduled an appointment a couple of weeks from now. Don't worry, we'll be able to figure everything out then."

"Okay," I nodded moving on to the next thing. "I also think I want to get a job while I'm here."

"That's your choice. Just know that you don't have to. I'm not going to make you pay rent or anything, Bells."

"I know," I said. "I just—I just want to contribute something. I was thinking about maybe getting a car or something, so you didn't have to drive me to and from school."

"It's really no trouble. I don't mind doing it."

I know. I think at this point my dad was so glad I was here that he would've gladly agreed to anything that I wanted just to keep me happy. He'd already done so much for me. I didn't feel comfortable asking him for anything more than he was giving. I didn't want to be a burden or another problem that he felt obligated to fix. Renee had been those things for him and I didn't want to be anything like my mother. "Still," I reasoned, "if I had a car it would be easier for me to work and get around here."

"That's true," he agreed. "I'm not saying you can't buy a car. If you want some independence then that's fine. But there's a lot of expenses that come with owning a car: gas, insurance, maintenance—"

"I think I could manage it. I have a little bit save up now. Not enough to buy anything," I said, "but if I saved a little more, maybe…"

"It's something to look into. I do think a couple of places in town are hiring. I could ask around for you," he offered. "The word of a Police Chief goes a long way."

"You don't have to." I hoped that I wasn't offending him by declining his help. But I didn't want any favors. If I was going to get a job, I wanted it to be on my own merits. "Thanks for the offer though...I-I really appreciate it." I was no longer just talking about the job. I owed Charlie more than I was comfortable with. Sure, I guess, you could argue that I didn't, that as my father he was doing is job in providing and taking care of me, however the one thing I learned was that just because someone was your parent didn't mean that they were in any way obligated to parent if they didn't want to.

Charlie's face was grave as he looked at me. "The offer still stands if you change your mind," he said. "Really. I'm here for anything you need. Anything at all. You don't have to do things on your own anymore."

_Anything I need, huh?_ I sucked in a breath and looked down at the coffee in my hands. I didn't know how to respond to that. I was so used to doing things on my own and now that I had someone here, an adult, my father, offering to take some of those responsibilities off my shoulders—The concept seemed so foreign to me. It was different, more so than overcast sky or the cold temperatures, and I felt it would take me a long time to fully come to grips with that change.


End file.
